Dear Chip Kelly, Matt Patricia, Sean McDermott, Hue Jackson, Paul Guenther, Teryl Austin, Adam Gase. Doug Marrone and other prospective applicants to be the next Head Coach of the Cleveland Browns:
We like all of you guys a lot and earnestly hope one of you will choose to make Cleveland your next home. So, you must be asking, why choose Cleveland instead of New York or New Orleans or San Francisco or Philadelphia or Miami?
Well, for one thing, we're the team that has (trumpet sound) JOHNNY MANZIEL! Yee Hah! You'll be thrilled to work with him, he's very reliable and hardly ever causes any problems. Everybody knows you need a great quarterback to succeed in the NFL. We know you'll be salivating at the chance to have this guy to create job security for you!
Coaching Candidates are going to flock to the Browns in order to have a shot at working with our stud quarterback Johnny F. Football. Why, he was a first round draft choice! What could be better?
The other factor we have is the HASLAM CHARM! Yes, wait till he tells you about his vision for the team. We are sure you will fall under his awesome spell. I'll bet you can't wait to come to Cleveland already.
To know Browns charismatic owner Jimmy Haslam III is to love him. It'll be great, and that's a promise.
Plus, don't forget our organization. You'll have the opportunity to work with a great GM. We don't know who it will be, but trust us, he'll be great. We had Ray Farmer last year and he was a joy to work with, so we're sure the Browns will find someone equally pleasant in the next few weeks. Or months, or years. Whatever.
|We are Cleveland Browns fans. Deal with it!|
But all kidding aside, the greatest thing about Cleveland is its fans. We are not pretty fans. We are hard core people, mainly working stiffs, guys and gals with a blue collar mentality who love sports. If you coach our team you're going to get yelled at and cussed at sometimes, but you will be surrounded by people who absolutely care about what you do. And we aren't shy about telling you about it.
And if you win, you will become a hero of unimaginable proportions.