Agatha All Along: Barely Watchable Witch

 

"Somewhere, there's got to be a plot on this road!?"  

"Umm...nope." 

What a crushing disappointment! Agatha All Along is the sequel to WandaVision, which was a work of genius. Wandavision involved the Scarlet Witch and the Vision participating in 1960s style sitcoms, and not really noticing anything was unusual about it. Gradually, however, they start to become aware that they may have ties to superheroes from the 21st century. Agatha keeps appearing in different situations and becomes a woman of mystery. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it yet, but Wandavision was one of the most compelling Marvel works I've ever seen.  The Scarlet Witch was a relatively minor character in the Avengers movies early on, but in Wandavision she became a superstar. So I had to watch the sequel, Agatha All Along.

So my expectations were high for Agatha, who we met in WandaVision. In Agatha, for some reason she has a different personality than she had when we last saw her. Well, okay... So she meets a she meets a mysterious young man who dabbles in witchcraft (who then becomes much less mysterious, kind of a friendly boy next door, for some reason, although he does realize he has some unusual abilities) and together they and some friends decide to make a special pilgrimage on the Witches' Road, based on a rumor that something good might await them at the end.  Nobody knows what the Road is or why it's there or what the reward is.  You know how baseball has these unwritten rules of baseball? Well, there are unwritten rules of witchcraft, and the book is very thick, but all the witches no about them, but they won't tell us about them. They have these stupid do's and don'ts and rules of etiquette about how to behave or you get zapped from some other realm, and nobody much questions it. 

The major problem with the show is that people change their personalities for no reason, week to week. Perhaps the writers thought this would be an interesting plot device, but it just makes the show hard to follow. Maybe they had multiple writers and they argued about how to portray the characters and so they compromised, and each got their chance for different episodes.  Who's in charge here, where are we going and who knows what is going on?  

A basic problem with magic tales is that there are no rules. So, hypothetically, if you have the Wicked Witch of the West fight Agatha, they can zap each other with lightning bolts. "All zapped out, Agatha?" "Ha ha ha, you didn't know I had a magic scroll!" "Oh yeah?  Well, I have a magic amulet!" "So what? I have an enchanted sword!  Ta da!"  ....and so on. 

So you go on with the stupid battle till someone gets splashed with a bucket of water and melts.  But this is not a plot twist.  This is just making it up as you go along who has the last enchantment. We are just waiting on the whim of the screenwriters.  This is not creativity.  It is just formulaic and one dimensional. 

And you can always say, hey, everything is an illusion, and have a character wake up and the world vanishes. You can do that over and over. Oh, this isn't the real world, either!  Poof!  It was Joe's dream!  Nope, Joe's world isn't real, either!  Poof! I was Tiki's dream.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  It is not clever. It's formulaic. Cop out!

This is why Agatha is boring, despite lavish sets, beautiful scenery, great camerawork and inspired acting performances. They couldn't quite overcome the mishmash of a script.  

Are you bored O, Goddess of Death?  How did she get that job, anyway, and why can't somebody else do the same thing? Being vague is not the same as mysterious. 

Is Jimmy Haslam Calling the Shots at Browns QB Position Again?

 

The Coaching Staff couldn't possibly have been so stupid as to promote  DTR to QB2 in Game 7 for no reason.  It cost the Browns a victory over the Bengals. Only an impatient owner could sit down an experienced veteran for a chance to see a young 6th round quarterback play.

Then, suddenly Coach Kevin Stefanski discovers Jesus and decides to let Offensive Coordinator Ken Dorsey call plays in Game 8. 

You could possibly build a case that Stefanski wasn't doing Deshaun Watson any good, and you have to be willing to resort to desperate measures to save Watson.  So maybe you play that card for Watson's sake at some point. But with Watson out of the picture, there is no reason to so it unless the owner is threatening to fire the coach.  

Taking away the coach's authority to run the offense makes no sense. We went through this when supposedly Dee Haslam was made the CEO of Haslam Sports Group and reorganized the roles of staff positions, which had become a total mess under her husband  You can't give the OC more power than the Head Coach to make decisions, or if you do, you might as well make him the Head Coach. Just like in the Military, you don't have enlisted guys tell officers what to do. Sorry, it just doesn't work.  

The idea that DTR is somehow better than Winston at this point is stupid.  Winston threw for 5000 yards in 2019, when he broke the thumb on his throwing hand and couldn't grip the ball.  He played most of his career for lousy teams and accepted the blame for them, much like Jacoby Brissett or Joe Flacco with the Jets. Winston only played for a good team once, the New Orleans Saints, and went 5-2 in 2021. At age 30, he is experienced enough to actually know how to play quarterback. He is not too old to play quarterback.  Aaron Rodgers will be 41 in six weeks. That is too old to play quarterback.  

So why would you demote him?  Well, he is not a "franchise quarterback.  Perhaps someone up the chain of command was having fantasies of discovering the "next Brock Purdy" and finding an easy way out of the Deshaun Debacle. If they were to find someone with All-Pro ability and under contract for less than 1% of Deshaun's money, perhaps a Wild Card might happen.

Now, I do like DTR as a backup quarterback, a guy similar to  Joshua Dobbs and who could maybe start by his late 20's.  But why start DTR now over Jameis Winston?  Trying a quarterback for a game, losing patience and demoting him, well, that sounds like an owner who has no idea what he is doing. 

It's hard to believe it was a football decision to demote Winston. More likely it is JH3 back to his old tricks. How long before Ben Zappe starts?  

Ex-Browns Quarterbacks Far Outperform Deshaun Watson

 

Never fear Browns fans, just remember  the old maxim, "Quarterback Greed wins Championships," and rest assured that the Browns are in good hands with the greediest ownership and front office in football. Oh wait, that's not how the old saying goes. It's actually DEFENSE wins championships.  The rest of the NFL, with the possible exception of the Pittsburgh Steelers and Minnesota Vikings, and a few others, have forgotten that. 

I about want to barf when I read stories, often by bloggers like myself, about how the Browns ought to blow another first round draft pick--after not having one for three years due to the disastrous Watson trade--on a bright, shining quarterback next year so we can ruin another one. 

Look, the problem is the BROWNS ARE OVERINVESTING IN QUARTERBACKS AND NEED TO STOP.  They are gorging themselves on quarterbacks they cannot afford and throwing away quarterbacks who are good enough to win, falsely believing that the quarterback is some kind of magical Messiah. Well, he is not. 

The Browns got rid of Baker Mayfield because he was not a franchise quarterback  Well, franchise or not, he is currently fourth in the NFL in yards with 984, ahead of guys like Joe Burrow, Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes, and he is second in the NFL with 8 TD passes (behind Sam Darnold with 11).  You thought Sam Darnold sucked because he could not succeed for the New York Jets or Carolina Panthers.  MAYBE THE TEAM HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT?  Anyway, do we still think Deshaun Watson is a franchise quarterback that made so much of a positive difference for Cleveland? How? 

Meanwhile, last year's backup, Joe Flacco, came off the bench and led the Indianapolis Colts to a big win, beating the Steelers with two TD passes.  Well, fancy that. 

Jacoby Brissett, the 2022 Browns' best quarterback on the roster, is starting for the Patriots who have a bad roster. You can say he stinks, based on his stats, but he can play on a good team.  

Tyler Huntley had a tryout with the Browns this spring but got cut. He will be the emergency starter over in Miami due to injuries to their two top guys (that's why you need three qbs in this league, Coach McDaniel, particularly when your top guy has a concussion history. I may be an amateur, but I am so right about that).  

The problem with the Browns is that they gave away six draft picks including three number ones--three years worth of picks, basically--for one quarterback who didn't want to play football.  Forget about his, uh, romantic adventures. He took a year off from football because his team did not let him be the Assistant General Manager, basically.  You can't have a guy like that in the locker room. And they paid him an entire team's worth of salary. $230 million guaranteed is equivalent to an entire season's payroll.  They are trying to defer it and spread it out, but they cannot recover from it.  

Their only hope is to try to void the contract, if Deshaun is found in breach of the clauses that require him to have no further blemishes on his record.  He is currently being sued by yet another woman.  If he loses, perhaps the Browns can pull the plug on this hideous quarterback. However, the rest of the team is still depleted of talent.

In any case, it is time to give it a rest.  No more overinvesting in quarterbacks.  There is no need to fire Jameis Winston, who is a capable quarterback.  Plus the Browns need to find out what they have in Dorian Thompson-Robinson who has looked fine in small sample sizes.  They should not just give up on the kid and cut him before developing him.  No, no, no! That's part of the disease, cutting the quarterback for no reason.  There are other positions besides quarterback, and if they don't develop the rest of the team, they will be like the Jets or Panthers and never know if they have a quarterback who can play.  It's like a drug, throwing away quarterback after quarterback after quarterback, and signing free agent after free agent and drafting first round pick after first round pick, looking for the quick fix while neglecting the rest of the team. Stop it. It's a waste of resources. Even if you have the perfect quarterback, you will never know it if you put him on a team with a punk roster.  

I would make it an internal rule that there should be three quarterbacks on the roster every year, and the team never replaces more than one per year.  Stability at the position is a good thing.